Whatta you wanna do with your life?

For some reason, whenever I contemplate my future, this line always pops into my head from the Twisted Sister video fromt he 80s. Remember the guy yelling in his son's face so intensely that he drools? And then he gets right into his face and screams "Whatta you wanna DO with your life....?"? And then the kid looks at him and says "I wanna rock." Cue Twisted Sister music.

Lately, I have been wondering what exactly I want to do with my life. I am a teacher by trade yet foolishly allowed my certification to run out because once I had the boys, I sort of just forgot about everything else. I fell into motherhood so easily that I couldn't imagine a day would come when I would want to do something else. For the record, I still can't imagine it but I am trying to plan for the future. My kids are still young and need me but time goes by so quickly and soon it will seem foolish for me to just stay home all day while they are at school. Truth be told, it doesn't sound too bad to me right now but I know I will look for something to stimulate my mind. So, I am looking into grad school.

I spend a lot of time at the boys' school helping out here and there. The first time I did it earlier in the year, it just felt so right and comfortable to be in a school setting again. So familiar. It started in my mind then that I would want to do something school-related. It made sense since I already had my teaching degree but I wasn't sure I wanted to be in a classroom again. Before the boys were born I had started a grad degree in Library and Media Technology to be certified to be an elementary librarian. I love books, I minored in Children's Lit as an undergrad and I was excited to head in this direction. Then the boys were born, my degree went on permanent hold and now I am kicking myself for not keeping up with it. However, one of the colleges here offers a completely-online Library degree and now that excitement is starting to brew again. I think it will take two years so my plan is to do that and use the library at the boys' school for all my fieldwork. In two years Ciara will also be at that school (sob!) so maybe I can volunteer a lot in the library after I get my degree, learn the ropes, get some experience and, more importantly in my case, some confidence and get a job a few years down the road.

Sounds like a good plan, right? But you know what they say about the best laid plans...

Moments like these make me almost forget all the bickering

Almost.

Just a conversation I want to remember

Tomorrow is Pajama Day at school. Everyone wears their pajamas and also gets to bring a stuffed animal to school. Well, for Gavin this is a major event because he has to bring just the right stufed animal. I kid you not, he has probably close to 100 stuffed animals mostly Beanie Babies. He has already changed his mind 5 times as to which one he is bringing. So, he makes his choice just before bed and then we are laying there talking before he falls asleep.

Gavin: Well, I am bringing Birdie tomorrow.

Me: Good choice.

Gavin: And when I have Pajama Day in 1st grade, I'll bring Elephant.

Me: OK

Gavin: And when I am in 2nd grade, I'll bring Plankton. When I'm in 3rd grade I'll bring Doggie. When I'm in 4th grade I'll bring Jellyfish and then when I am in 5th grade I'll bring Tyrone. I can't wait until I am in 5th grade!

Me: Well, don't be in a hurry to be in 5th grade.

Gavin: Why?

Me: Because then you'll be all grown. I want you to be my baby boy.

Gavin: (exasperated sigh) Mummy, I will always be your baby boy. Always.

A little more notice would be nice

The weekly school notice came home on Monday and I scanned it quickly as I usually do. Normally most of the information in it doesn't pertain to kindergarten so I don't pay much attention. But something at the very end of the notice, almost like an afterthought, caught my eye. Pajama Day, February 6th! Wear your pajamas to school! So I wander over to the calendar and see that February 6th is this Friday. As in 4 days from now. This means I need to go out and buy the boys' pajamas for Pajama Day because they wear the footed pajamas at home. They love them. But I can't very well send them to school in feeties. So I have been on the hunt for long-sleeve, long-pants pajamas. But, of course, this being the first week in February all that is available is tank-top-and-shorts pajamas. Really, the retail industry annoys me to no end. Who the hell are going to buy summer pajamas in February in New England?

I really would like to know.

A milestone of sorts

Yesterday, I dropped the boys off for a playdate at their friend's house. Alone.

And that is the milestone.

I wouldn't call myself overprotective per se. More non-trusting. I just don't trust anyone else with my kids' safety and well-being besides family. Any time Sean and I go out, it is always my mother or my sister or his mother who watches the kids. We are so lucky to have so much family around.

The boys had been to this friend's house once before but I had gone with them. To scope it out for future alone-playdates. I have been chit-chatting with the mom in the schoolyard since September and she seems really nice and together but you just never know. So I went to their first playdate with them. And it was fine. They have two HUGE Rottweilers which freaked me out at first but they were like big teddy bears. So the house got the green light for future independent playdates.

I dropped them off after school and Ciara was all excited because she thought she was going too. Poor kid. She screamed for about 45 minutes with that choppy, sobbing kind of voice. "But I...(sob sob)....want to go to....(sob sob)...Jackson's house!!" And getting out of the car, Gavin told me that he wanted Ciara to come, too. That was sweet and kind of uncharacteristic of him. I think he really likes when all three of them are together.

I picked them up about an hour and a half later and all was well. They had fun, they behaved (so the mom told me) and I am glad I let them go. It was a big milestone for me too.

Moving on...

I am still sad about Finn. I keep looking up to the second floor landing when I come home, expecting to see him there wagging his tail. But I am trying to think about good things so let's post a good thing...

I had Aidan's kindergarten conference last week. Regardless of what Mr. K had to tell me, I knew that I was so proud and happy of where Aidan is right now. He is so far beyond where I thought he would be. Not that I didn't have confidence in my son, but in September he was just not that into letters and numbers. He was all about playtime and I just thought he'd have a tough time getting used to the structure of school. Well, I am proud to say that he is READING!! Never in a million years did I think he would be reading in January. Of course, Mr. K said "What did you expect? He is in my class!". I swear he started off at least three sentences with "I don't want to brag but....". He opened Aidan's journal and pointed to his story. Aidan has begun writing the words himself instead of telling them to his teacher and having them written for him. Mr. K said "I bet your other son is not doing this". To which I replied "Actually, he is." Gavin always was slightly ahead of Aidan in the academic department. He was interested in letters and sounds and putting them together before Aidan was. If Gavin could have withstood Mr. K's intensity and stayed in his class, he would have excelled beyond where he is now. Gavin's teacher is great for him but I feel she doesn't push the kids and take them further. Gavin is writing/reading mostly in part because it interests him and he has taken it upon himself to do it.

So, I may have complained and grumbled about Mr. K's method of teaching. But Aidan is reading and for that I am grateful. I still don't think the ends justifies the means. He could definitely add some fun to his teaching style.