We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship...

Aidan loves the Little Einsteins on Disney. I bought the Little Einsteins audio cd which has the theme song and the dialogue and music from some of the episodes and that is all Aidan wants to listen to in the car. I liked it at first but now it is driving me batty. He knows the theme song word for word and it amazes me to listen to him sing it. I am trying to capture this on tape but somehow he senses when I am going to get the camera and then just does his half-assed performance.

His love affair with Little Einsteins all started about 2 1/2 years ago with its predecessor, Baby Einstein. As a new mom, with twins no less, I thought it was the best thing in the world to plunk them down in their exersaucers for 30 minutes in front of Baby Einstein so I could get dressed and make myself presentable (and maybe check my emails ). Hey, at least it was educational, right? Little did I know that Baby Einstein would become the bane of my existence. And also a source of guilt as I became aware of how much he loved to watch tv. As they grew, so did their dvd collection. Baby Mozart, Baby Van Gogh, Baby DaVinci, Baby Neptune...we have them all. This is all that the boys would request and as they began talking, Aidan would walk around clutching the dvd cases saying "Stena". At first it was cute. I even wrote it in his baby book. Then it got kind of annoying as we realized he was being obsessive about the whole thing. He wanted anything and everything Baby Einstein--books, toys, music cds. And we, like suckers, bought it all. He still holds a special place in his heart for Baby Einstein. But, he is getting bigger and needs to broaden his horizons and so he has moved on up to the Little Einsteins. I still feel kind of guilty that he spends a lot of time watching but it is not as if that is all he does. We go to the library, play in the yard, have a "no tv" time, build with blocks. And...how many three year olds do you know who hum Mozart while they are coloring? Or recognize "Starry Night" upon seeing it in their aunt's office and remark "Oh, that's Van Gogh"?

Thank you Baby Einstein.

Um, hello? Clothes manufacturers? It is still June...

...In case you haven't noticed. I went to search for a swimsuit for Ciara and could find nothing. Yes, I know it is a bit late in the game but I was thinking she could get away with a swim diaper and a tee shirt for the beach. Now I am rethinking that and want to get her a real swimsuit. But, guess what? I can't find one! All the freakin' fall clothes are out. "Fall preview" the stores are calling it. I went to Carter's because they were having a summer clearance (!) and even there it was slim pickin's. No cute little sundresses, no one-piece body suits. Hardly anything. Who buys fall clothes in June? Tell me. Unless you are going on a trip someplace cool I don't think anyone.

And while I am on the rant of clothing manufacturers, could they please try to be a little more consistant in their sizing? I bought Ciara two Carter's sunsuits (in March before the fall clothes came out). Both the same size and same fabric. I washed them the other day in the same load and one shrunk and one didn't. One is a good inch shorter than the other and probably will not even fit her. I am so annoyed. Old Navy is another store which is famous for this. I can pick up four 3T tee shirts and each one will fit the boys differently.

So that is my consumer rant for the day. I thought I'd feel better. But I don't.

I am 0 for 2

You think I would have learned from my Target experience with Gavin last week but no, I had to push my luck and take the three of them to Costco today. It started off well enough. Everyone was excited about going. Aidan even exclaimed "Oh! Costco. My favorite." (but then again he says that about everything). So we get int he car and we are pulling out of the driveway and Aidan asks for his "green Baby Einstein cd". I tell him it is in his room because they wanted to listen to it at bedtime. Well, you would think that I took his favorite helicopter and stomped on it right before his eyes. He started screaming and practically hyperventilating and it just all went downhill from there. I don't even have the energy to recount the story. I have a headache and I need to go lay down. It was that bad.

Random thoughts...

Ciara is still doing great sleeping in her crib. Yay! She gets up once about 2 or 3 am but I give her a couple of ounces of milk and she is right back to sleep. Much better than being up 4 or 5 times a night! I still can't believe how easy the whole crib thing was once she decided the time was right. I had tried for weeks to get her in the crib and she was having none of it. It was almost like she had to reach a point where she realized her swing was not comfortable anymore and then decided the crib was much better. One night of crying for 20 minutes and now she falls asleep on her own each and every time. And so now, the swing has been retired. It makes me a little sad that she is out of that baby stage already and on her way to becoming a toddler.

Aidan and Gavin are more hilarious everyday. I have resigned myself to the fact that the independence stage is here to stay for a while (thank goodness they are not both going through it at the same time!) and I just had to regroup and plan a strategy. My strategy is that unless Gavin is being downright disrespectful, I must let most of his antics go. Ignore them. And hopefully they will go away.

Yesterday we went to the Crap Store as Gavin calls it (Michael's...the craft store). I think this is hysterical so I ask him over and over "Where did we go today?" "The crap store". Oh, such little things amuse me.

Aidan planned and executed his little sister's escape from her exersaucer. I came downstairs to find Ciara roaming around after I swear I had put her in the exersaucer with some drink yogurt and Cheerios so I could check my emails. Aidan admitted to tipping the exersaucer over so Ciara could crawl out. The thing is he must have done it oh-so-gently because I didn't hear a peep from Ciara or a crash of any sort. My life has yet again gotten a little bit harder.

My Reading

Fair warning: Today's post deals with my psychic tarot card reading yesterday so if that is not your thing, you can skip it!

So yesterday I went to my second tarot reading in two months. It was amazing that it was virtually the same as the first reading. I do not know this woman at all--she is more of a friend of a friend of a friend so there is no way she could have known some of the things she told me. Some of the things that came up had me wondering. She said that I should look into a career in child psychology which also came up during my first reading in April. That puzzles me because I have no desire at all to get my degree in that. I had been planning to go back for my Master's in Reading but she said she sees me doing that AND the psychology thing because then I can work out of my home (?). Still shaking my head at that one but it is weird it came up twice.

Also my house: it is not my own. LOL I have known since we moved in here that this isn't my "forever" home. I just don't feel the warmth and comfort that you should feel when you walk through the door of your home. So she confirmed that and said we would be moving but we have some stuff to do first to spruce it up. Which leads us to the fact that the spirits that are here are kind of upset with the work we have been doing. Apparently we are disrupting their existence but they haven't shown their displeasure because of the children. They like them. Thank goodness. I will never forget the time Gavin looked up to the third floor of our house and raised his hand and said "Hi" and when I looked up there, there was no one. Freaky. Also, one day last week Aidan asked if he could go to bed. This is really unusual for him so we asked why and he said so he could talk to the ghosts. Aaaaaaah!!! When I brought this up to the psychic (Kathie) she said that she felt he is being visited by a man and went on to describe him -- tall and thin, extremely short dark hair and in his late 30s. She also said he is a family member. Well, the man she described has got to be my Uncle Al who died when I was about 4. He was my godfather and when I told Kathie this she nodded her head and said "Ohhhh." like it made perfect sense now. Again, freaky.

And then there is Ciara. My golden child (her words, not mine). During my first reading she told me that Ciara has someone with her. She got a strong feeling that this "person" is helping her along and she kept getting a twin feeling. I then informed her that when I went for my initial ultrasound with this last pregnancy, they saw two sacs but one was not developing. Kathie told me that the child (she feels it was a girl) has remained with Ciara. Yesterday, we talked more about that and she went on to explain to me that each person born to this earth has 3 spirit guides to help them along their journey. So Ciara has 3 plus the 3 of the other child. In Kathie's words, no matter what Ciara chooses to do in life, it is almost like she can't go wrong. She is almost angelic. But, she told me I need to be there to keep her in check and balanced.

So there it is. My tarot reading. I am not sure how much I believe even though it all sounds really romantic and beautiful and I want to believe it all. Especially about my godfather visiting Aidan. I do have to say that this topic has always interested me. Psychics, the paranormal, the afterlife. All that stuff. So who knows? Maybe there are loved ones and spirit guides all around us helping us, guiding us, watching out for us. At least I'd like to think so.

Some good things

I feel like lately I have just been complaining about the little people so I wanted to post some good stuff. lol

Aidan: He is my sweetheart. He is so loving and cuddly and always there to sit on my lap as soon as I sit down. "I love you so much" is common to hear from him, totally spur-of-the-moment and unsolicited. He is also totally in love with his baby sister. From the moment she gets up he is all over her. Tickling her toes while I am holding her, crawling after her on the floor when they are playing, licking (yes, licking) her head. He shows his affection in all kinds of ways. And, when Ciara crawls over to his Duplo building or his train tracks to see what he is up to, he gently says "No, baby Ciara. Be careful."

Gavin: Yes, he is my stubborn, bossy, little dictator but he has his moments. He can be a great sharer and totally cooperative at times. When he is in a good mood, he is very, very happy and silly. He makes up little songs or changes the words to a familiar tune and walks around the house singing it. He must be involved in every single thing that happens in our house and then asks questions for days after it happens. Changing light fixtures, laying tile, watching the lawn get mown, emptying the dishwasher. Gavin is there observing, asking, learning. And, he is slowly falling in love with his baby sister. When she first came home, he barely acknowledged her. Then as she became mobile, and starting babbling more, he realized she was this little person and he started talking to her, bringing her things and asking me to put her on the floor to play with her. But, he can turn on a dime and has been known to push her over and then say "It's ok baby Ciara, I'm just pushing you."

Ciara: My little ray of sunshine. Sounds corny but it is so true. She is the happiest little baby I have ever met and I really am not being biased. The only time she cries is when she is tired. She is always babbling to herself, kicking her little legs, and smiling at whoever happens to be near. And she loves her big brothers! She always tries to get in on the action and it won't be long until she is toddling after them and will be into all their stuff more than she already is. I hope the boys are ready!

So there it is. So I don't feel like so much of an ogre. I do love my three little birds!

Patience. I have none lately.

I feel like such a horrible mom lately. All my kids want me to do is play with them and I find myself making excuses these past few days. Many of them legit--Ciara's diaper needs changing, she needs to eat, she needs to nap--but they are still excuses. Plus, when the boys get up to their antics (such as emptying the whole container of just-opened diaper wipes so they could "clean the television") I lose my cool really quick and yell at them. And what's more, Aidan will get this hurt look on his face and say "Don't yell at me!". Nice. All my years in school earning my degree in Education, all those child psych classes and classroom mangement techniques go right out the window. I feel like a grumpy mom. Then I lie in bed at night and recount the day and feel just awful at the things I said or did. I will never get this time with them back and this is how I treat them? And the kicker is I know as the words are coming out of my mouth there are better ways I could say them and get my point across. But frustration wins out.

Maybe it is all hormonal. I am expecting AF in a few days so hopefully things will be better then. Argh!

Well....Guess we can't go back to that Target anytime soon

Target is one of the few stores I can get to with all three kids. Ciara rides in the front and I put both boys in the cart part until we get into the store. Then I keep them in the cart as long as possible until they whine to get out. 99% of the time this works out really well for us but not today. Today we fell under the very rare 1%.

It started off well enough with both boys trailing along behind or in front of me. They were even listening when I told the to freeze when they got too far ahead. Then they each picked out a music cd that I completely forgot I told them we could get "next time we went to Target". So that took them a good 20 minutes as they picked one up, put it back, then each picked the same one, put those back....you get the idea. So we make our way to the registers to pay and Gavin decides he wants a snack. Fine. He picks one, we pay and now the boys need to walk with me because I have bought a Rubbermaid container which is in the part of the carriage they usually sit in. This is where it all falls apart. Gavin decides he wants a different snack and starts to go back to pick one out. I call for him, he senses what I am going to say and starts to squat and yell in the middle of the aisle. I am quickly losing my patience and look back at Ciara and Aidan and decide I just have to run and grab him. Gavin sees me and starts running the other way. Oh. My. God. I could have killed him! I race for him, scoop him up and carry him kicking and screaming from the store. A first for me. Usually I am able to reason with them and at least exit the store without too much fanfare. Not today. Oh no. All eyes were on us.

The only bright spot was this is not the Target we usually go to. So at least we are still safe at our regular store. If I dare go again.

Oh and I just feel the need to mention that during this whole expedition, Ciara was just sitting in the carriage, kicking her legs, and babbling to herself happily. She is such a laid back kid.

Yes! Success...

Dare I even write about this lest I jinx myself?? Since Friday evening, Ciara has slept in her crib at night and for naps. Wooo-hooo!

This whole sleep journey has had my husband and I butting heads. He thought I should have let her CIO long ago but I just was not comfortable with that. I knew in my heart that the night wakings were just a phase (as is most everything els in childhood) and I just resigned myself to the fact that Ciara would be sleeping with us for a while. This caused so much tension between my husband and I but I just could not stand to listen to her cry. Not only for emotional reasons but I also could not just lie there in bed and listen to her. How could I sleep? Apparently the crying didn't bother Sean and he could sleep right through it (men!). Plus, I kept reminding him that Aidan went through the same exact thing when he was Ciara's age. Same exact thing. "But that was different", Sean said. Huh?! Anyway, we kind of agreed to disagree and I just did my own thing. I either rocked her to sleep or put her in her swing to fall asleep on her own. Then she'd be up anywhere from 2 to 5 times during the night even if she was in bed with me. Yes, me. Sean slept on the couch because he "needed his sleep". If looks could kill, people...

As I was rocking Ciara last Tuesday, she was sucking/biting on my finger. And what do you know? A tiny little sharp edge was poking through. Her first tooth and, I imagine, the source of her nighttime wakings. On Thursday, I myself was getting fed up with the whole bedtime thing and I agreed to let her cry herself to sleep. She cried for about 30 minutes and I couldn't take anymore. I went in and picked her up and she immediately laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep as I rocked her. And then woke up 90 minutes later. And then 2 hours after that. And then 45 minutes after that. Argh!

Friday, I put her in the crib again after our snuggle in the rocking chair. She cried for 20 minutes and fell asleep. And stayed asleep until 3:30 in the morning at which point she woke, I gave her a bit of milk and she fell asleep again in her crib. Yippee!

Saturday morning and afternoon, I again laid her in her crib with her bottle for her naps (Yes, I know it is a no-no but beggars can't be choosers) and she fell asleep without a peep. And that is how it has been going except for a little fuss last night going to bed.

And no, I did not go and do the I Told You So dance in Sean's face even though I really, really wanted to. I knew when she was ready, she would do it. And my baby girl proved me right. So...good riddance to the swing! It only took 10 months, 2 weeks and 1 day.

Determination

Gavin is one odd duck. I am his mother, I can say that. Whenever I am on the phone with my sister and she asks what Gavin is doing in the background (because he tends to be loud), I tell her what he's up to and her response is usually "That kid is so weird". It really is funny. He walks around the house, looking for something to do, someone to see, stares out the window and raises a hand when someone walks buy and says "Hi. Howyadoin'". He also roams the house in his goggles from his tool bench.

On the other hand, he is also my most inquisitive child always wanting to know what this is and what that does and can he try it, etc. Aidan just takes everything at face value and questions nothing. He couldn't care less how the Oreo got into his snack cup whereas Gavin wants to know what store it came from and who bought it.

Gavin also loves to build things with his blocks and often gets frustrated when they fall over. The first few times it happened, he cried and I thought he hurt himself. I race in the room asking, "What happened? Did you hurt yourself?" only to have him then get angry and say he can't make the blocks stay up. I offer my assistance only to be met with an angry "No! I do it!" Oooo-kay then. So last night I am cooking dinner in the kitchen and Gavin is in the dining room playing with what I think are Ciara's wooden stacking blocks. Every so often, I hear them fall and cries out and yells. I ask what's wrong and he screams again "No!" so I give up and go about my business all the while hearing the periodic fall of the blocks and the frustrated cry from Gavin. Finally I can take it no longer and I tiptoe to the doorway to see what he is doing. Well, he didn't have Ciara's blocks...he was trying to stand all his crayons up on end on the dining room table. And, after another 10 minutes, he succeeded! I was cursing myself that I didn't have my camera near as I usually do. He was so proud.

Well, at least I can add determination to the long list of adjectives I have to describe him.

Finally!

Boston has been having a horrible spring so far. It has been cold and dreary, rainy and grey for most of May and June. Yesterday was the first warm day in I don't know how long and we celebrated by playing outside and soaking up the sun before the next batch of rain moves through. Gotta love New England weather.

Ouch, one week later

It was a little over a week ago that Aidan hit his nose on the fireplace ( I still shudder when I think of it). THe swelling is all gone, the scab has peeled and the only thing left are the bruises under his eyes right on either side of his nose. You can hardly tell in this picture that a week ago, it was swollen, red and scraped.

A bad day

AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

Alright, I feel a teeny bit better now. I am so irritable today and it is like the boys know that and are doing stuff on purpose just to see me explode. Gavin is doing the exact opposite of everything I say no matter how I phrase it--nicely, politely, sternly or screaming at the top of my lungs. Aidan is after me every second to get him some more milk. I am seriously considering purchasing a cow. Now they are all in bed and it is quiet. And I am sitting here feeling guilty for the way I acted this morning with them. Ugh, I hate days like this.

Don't say you love me, it's understood*

Just to further illustrate the night/day differences in my twin boys...

The other night, after we had gotten back from the boys' birthday party at the grandparents' house, the boys had spread their loot on the floor and were happily going through it. Aidan lets out this big sigh and says to Sean and I "I love you guys...So much" totally unsolicited from us, like he was totally content in his little life. Of course, Sean and I just looked at each other like "Awwww". It was just so damn cute. But it was also characteristic of him, our little wears-his-heart-on-his-sleeve boy.

Now Gavin, on the other hand, is a whole different story altogether. I don't think the words "I love you" have ever been uttered from his mouth without much prodding from his mom. His true feelings are usually guarded unless it can get him something. He is a smart little boy. So the other night we were lying in bed at bedtime and I always say to him "Gavin..." and he says "What?" and I say "I love you" to which he smiles but never says it back. It's our little thing. So on this night I start out with "Gavin..." He has his fingers in his mouth with his Beanie Baby so he says "Mmmm?" and I say "I love you". He says nothing. Doesn't even crack his smile. So I say again, "Gavin...I love you." and he says, all irritated, "OKAYY-YA".

It never ceases to amaze me how two boys, born on the same day to the same parents, being raised the exact same way at the same time can be so different. A living example of Nature vs. Nurture.


*Bonus points to you for knowing which song the title comes from

Happy Birthday, boys!!

My boys turn three today! Everyone tells you how fast this time will pass and you agree with them (mainly to shut them up, lol) but here I am realizing how fast it does pass. Three years. Wow.

Aidan and Gavin's pregnancy was very special for us (so was Ciara's but for different reasons). I always knew we would have difficulty conceiving. I had some weird stuff going on with borderline malignant cysts on my ovaries which I found out about 3 months after we were first married when we were both just 24. I was told not to wait too long to start a family if that was what we had planned. I was horrified. I was working as a teacher's assistant making barely anything. Sean was in his first job making a decent amount for us but not to support a family (it was always our plan that I would stay home when we had children). Plus, we were newlyweds living in a one bedroom apartment. Children were not what we had planned for the immediate future.

After much discussion, we decided to chance it and not have children at that moment. We needed to be more settled in our careers and we most definitely needed a bigger space first. So we waited. We traveled, we got better jobs, we even lived overseas for a few months. And then when we returned, we decided that it was time. We were always told that if we were not pregnant within 6 months rather than the usual 1 year, our doctor would start running tests. And so 6 months passed and we saw a fertility specialist. He did a routine ultrasound and found 2 cysts on my ovaries that he "didn't like the looks of". He called my oncologist and suggested a hysterectomy (I only found this out much later down the road). My oncologist, the top in his field at Mass General, said no way, he would do surgery, see what was going on and take it from there. Thank goodness for him because if it had been anyone else, I probably would have had the hysterectomy. So fast forward: I had the surgery, he removed the cysts only, my ovaries were in perfect working order.

We then did two IUI procedures which did not work. So we jumped to IVF which requires more meds and, gulp, my husband to give me daily injections. It was a very nerve-wracking and tense time in our relationship and after all that, our first attempt failed. We had to take a month off and then start all over again with the meds and the injections. During this time, I had a dream. I dreamt that two bear cubs had invaded our home and when we came downstairs, they were in the kitchen rummaging through the refrigerator and crawling on the counters. For some reason, I knew one was a boy and one was a girl. So when I woke up I just knew that when we did have children, even if it wasn't this cycle, we would have twins.

After the embryo transfer, we entered the two-week-wait where we would find out at the end of the two weeks if we were successful or not. I had a strong feeling we would be but I didn't want to jinx anything (yes, I am superstitious like that). When we had the transfer we were told we had three embryos growing. Two of them were of a quality they rarely see, 9 and 10 cells respectively and no fragmentation. Usually people have luck with 6-8 cell embryos so 9 and 10 were "superembryos" as the tech called them. On the way to work one day about 10 days after the transfer, while sitting in traffic, I just had this feeling come over me that I was pregnant. I cannot to this day explain it. I wasn't nauseous at all, I had no cramping, I just had this peaceful feeling all of a sudden that it worked. And it did.

(insert photos of my newborn boys here---having blogger difficulty!)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Aidan and Gavin!

Ouch

Today, as I was getting the boys juice boxes in the kitchen, I suddenly hear Aidan cry. It was that horrible something-is-really-wrong cry that mothers can just tell is different from the regular everyday cry. So I run in there and Aidan is crying, I pick him up and cuddle him and ask where he hurt himself as I give him the once over. He points to his face and it is then that I notice the swelling and redness on his nose. As I stare at it, it continues to swell and bruise before my eyes (Marcia Brady, anyone?). I panic and think it is broken and am tyring to figure out what I am going to do as everyone I can call is at least 20 minutes away. Then I remember my in-laws are home because they are picking up relatives at the airport today. Horrible timing, but I call them anyway just to get a quick second opinion before I decide what to do. They arrive and by this time, Aidan ha calmed down quite a bit and is drinking some milk. My mil does not think it is broken at all but I call his doctor's office to see what I should do. I explain the situation and the fact that Aidan is quiet and in semi-good spirits considering. They tell me to come in but his doc doesn't have any appointment until 2:45. By the time I hang up the phone, Aidan is able to tell me that he was "hopping like a frog" and fell and hit his nose on the monstrosity that is our fireplace.

We make it to our appointment and Yay! it is not broken. But the swelling will not go down for several days and he more than likely will have at least one black eye from this. Thank goodness I got the boys' 3 year old picture done yesterday!

My daughter, the model

I debated on whether to blog about this but decided that since this is a chronicle of my life and my children's life, I'd go ahead. I didn't want to be seen as one of "those" moms who think their child/children are the most beautiful things on earth. That said, here is our little story:

Yesterday, I took Ciara to an open call at a modeling agency here in Boston. Of course, I think she is adorable but I kept getting comments from people when we were out and about. People would stop me to tell me how beautiful her eyes were and how long her lashes were (trying really hard not to sound like one of "those" moms here...bear with me). But even more than this, the main reason I decided to bring her to the modeling agency is that she has such a great personality. She is the most laid back of my bunch and has a smile for pretty much everyone. I actually had been thinking about taking her for a while now and finally yesterday I did.

We got to the agency about 20 minutes before the scheduled open call. There were already a few moms and babies in line. When it was time, they called us in (by now there were about 25 babies) and we were all crammed in this tiny office. Can you imagine the scene? 25 babies, 25 moms on a sultry day in Boston in a 15x15 room with no air conditioning? Yeah, I bet you can. So after the spiel about the baby market in Boston, we were called up one at a time for a 30 second look-over with one of the agency's reps. I could hear the woman--Ginger--telling the people ahead of me "OK, I'll keep these two pictures, here are the others" (We were supposed to bring 5 each). Then when she got to me and Ciara, she looked at her and then her pictures and commented on her beautiful eyes and how she was very photogenic. . Then she told me she was keeping all 5 of her pictures. Me outside: "Oh, ok. " Me inside: "YES! She wants all 5!" (Where did that come from?)

So, if they wanted your child to sign with them, they said they would be in touch with us by 5pm today. At 12:23 my phone rang and guess who it was? Go on, guess....Yes that's right! The modeling agency wants Ciara to sign with them! And they even said her name right!

Can fame and fortune be far behind? I am totally kidding....